Out There
by M83
Summary: It's his senior year and his life is supposed to be perfect, right? Then why is he a dejected outcast? Why does he just want to die? Perfect... yeah right. Slash [mm] Who am I kidding, it's incredibally AU. And old.
1. Butterfly Caught

Out There  
  
Bren Eldrid Bera  
  
=============  
  
It was Saturday; another day in the guidance councilor's office.  
  
The only reason I was even there was because they made me come. They had said that they were concerned about me. ~ More likely embarrassed. ~ They couldn't accept the fact that I was different. Different then what they had expected. ~ Oh-fucking-well. ~  
  
"So... T-Tif-Tiffany... Do you understand why you are here?" The counselor asked me, finally looking up from his oh-so-precious clipboard. It was pathetic. He always had his clipboard with him. HE was pathetic. I can't recall a single time I've ever seen him without it.  
  
But that wasn't bothering me right now. What was absolutely _killing_ me was the fact that he had stumbled over my name. Sure, a lot of people do; I don't look like a Tiffany.  
  
Tiffany was my chosen name. Not my goddamn birth name. ~ Yeah well, screw my parents. They think they can just run my life? I'm eighteen years old! No. Fuck no. I will not stand for that kind of shit. ~  
  
But the consoler had that damn name scribble in with the rest of his notes on the front of his clipboard. I had told him at the beginning of this session to only call me by that name, and he still managed to get it wrong. He was a disgusting creature.  
  
"Well...?" asked the guidance counselor, Mr. Fields. I still hadn't answered the question. ~ What _was_ the question? Oh yeah. Why am I such a freak? ~ I stared at the man, trying to survey the "competition". Fields was wearing -of all things- a brown tweed suit with a little bow tie fixed around his neck. His mouse brown hair was plastered down onto his head with a styling product that smelled like dog urine to me. His nails were manicured down to little stubs. Mr. Fields gave off the impression that everything in his life was perfectly scheduled and coordinated and the man had never been late for anything in his life.  
  
Mr. Fields was staring right back at me. If there was a person who I ever despised, this man was it. Everything just _had_ to be perfect with him; he always followed the straight and narrow path. I had noticed a collection of miniature glass animals on a shelf on one of his wall when I had walked in for this delightful and meaningful session. They were all lined up pretty little row, not a single creature was out of line. It was disgusting.  
  
I wanted to smack this man across the head. He was nauseating for me to look at. Everything about him made angry, _everything_. I had a rage in me that only developed when I was around Mr. Fields, and I think he knew it too.  
  
So as I continued to stare at him, he gave a little grin, showing off perfect ivory teeth. I couldn't take it. I choose to look at a framed picture of a fruit basket that was hanging on a wall instead of that disgusting man. The picture was a much more pleasant sight to behold. We both knew my opinion of the tones and shading of the grapes and apples wouldn't answer his damn question, but at least it would stall time.  
  
My eyes wavered from the picture to a windup clock that stood ticking away between a telephone and another clipboard on Field's desk. ~ Damnit! ~ Only forty-five strenuous minutes had past since I had first entered his office. I had another thirty to go. I choose to look down at the ground now, but I crossed my arms in a symbol of defiance. This bastard wasn't going to get to me _this_ easily.  
  
I heard Mr. Fields sigh, but I didn't bother to look up. I heard him click off the tape recorder -I'd never wanted these pathetic conversations recorded anyway, they could be used against me in a court of law or some sort of embarrassing situation.  
  
"Tiffany, do you _understand_ why you are here?" he said again, this time more strongly.  
  
I choose not to answer again. After all, I had better things to do than sit around in this damn office on a Saturday afternoon. I could see the sun beams splayed across the carpeted floor. A little part of me died, just then. There was so much I could be doing right then.  
  
Hell, I was eighteen years old! These were supposed to be the happiest moments of my life. I was going to graduate in a few months, I had gotten a letter of acceptance to that med school I had been praying I'd get into, AND I had a new boyfriend who was probably very worried as to my whereabouts right now...  
  
...I hadn't told anybody outside of my family that I was in counseling, not even my boyfriend. It was just too damn embarrassing that my parents could be so controlling over my life. We had had plans too, for a hot date in the park-  
  
-but no, I had had to break that engagement off. On this perfect April Saturday - the first remotely nice day since last August - I was stuck in school in this damn pleather chair talking to that foul creature Mr. Fields.  
  
"I dunno." I finally mumbled, trying to hold up the pretense of utter naivety.  
  
I knew perfectly well why I was at the guidance counselor's on a Saturday afternoon. I just didn't want to give the counselor the satisfaction of knowing I was different. That I was a freak.  
  
Hell, anyone could figure that out if they just looked at me. Of course I goddamn knew why I was here. The counselor knew that too. He was just a twisted bastard out to get me.  
  
~ No, that is just paranoid thinking. Damn drugs acting up on me. Again. But then... You have to be paranoid about everything when... ~  
  
"Well... Tiffany..."  
  
~ Again with the stumbling. It's fucking Tiffany you bastard. ~  
  
"It seems that since you started here three years ago, you seemed to have lost every single one of your friends, your grades have slipped even farther, and you seem to be picked upon. Quite a lot." ~ He doesn't know the half of it. ~ "Could you please tell me why you think this is?"  
  
~ Is he fucking stupid?!? Everyone in the goddamn school knows the answer to that question and he is fucking asking me? ~  
  
I stared at him for a bit. He looked bored. He was gripping his notepad. I don't think I have ever seen Mr. Fields without his notepad. He was fucking pathetic.  
  
"This is bullshit." I muttered.  
  
"What was that? Asked Mr. Fields sharply.  
  
I didn't say anything.  
  
"That is what I thought. Now, tell me. Why have you changed so much in the last three years at Degrassi Community High School in such a... negative way?"  
  
~ Three years? It has only been three years? Woah. It seems like it has been much longer then that. Again, with the drugs. Damnit. Why did you have to leave me Andrew? ~  
  
I shifted in my seat. The skirt was riding up on me again. I hate it when it does that. Although, it probably would help if I got them longer. This one barely covered my ass, but I liked it that way.  
  
I crossed my legs, and looked down at my feet. I remembered when high heels had given me trouble. Two years ago that had been. ~ Now I can almost run in them. Damn you Andrew. ~  
  
Mr. Fields glanced up from his notepad. "Well Gavin?"  
  
"Don't call me that!" I shrieked. I jumped up from my chair.  
  
"My name is Tiffany! The reason I am here is because my parents can't seem to accept the fact that their son is a cross-dresser! But you know what?!? I don't fucking care about them or anybody else! Now leave me the fuck alone!"  
  
=============  
  
Disclaimer: I do not own Degrassi. Obviously. Otherwise, I would be bragging about it, and you would never hear the end of how magnificent I was for this feat!  
  
Rated: PG-13 (Language, violence, and general discontent!) 


	2. Daydreaming

Out There  
  
Bren Eldrid Bera  
  
=============  
  
I ran out of his office. I usually never lose my temper. Only when I think about Andrew. ~ Why did you have to leave me? ~  
  
Despite the fact that it was a Saturday, there were still students in the school. The student's serving detention. Detention for picking on me.  
  
"Hey fag!" One of them called out to me as I brushed past them. The others joined in. 'Hey fag, watch where you are going.' 'Off to some date, gay- ass?' and simply 'Faggot!'  
  
I hated those guys. They thought they were cool, that they were better then me. To think I had been like that three years ago. ~ But that was before Andrew... ~ I exited the school. I looked back at it. Despite how polished and cleaned up it was, the Degrassi Community High School looked very depressing.  
  
The windows were all lined up in little rectangular rows. I was surprised when I first saw the school that the windows did not have bars over them. The school seriously looked like a prison. It wasn't very encouraging to a student who had had to stay at their old school one more year. But now the place had a homey feeling in it for me, despite the fact that it smelled like disinfectant. I was still glad that this was my last year here.  
  
I had started attending here in my sophomore year, right after the big tax hike. That was how the district had been able to reopen the doors. It had really pissed off some people, but hey, at least we weren't over-crowding anymore.  
  
I went to my car and started to unlock the door, when I saw the word 'FAG' scratched into the door. "Damnit! Not again!" The jerks were always doing something like that. I tried to ignore it, but my sister would see it and tell my parents. Then the screaming would begin.  
  
"Damnit!" I said again. This would cost money to get the word out. Money I did not have. This was bullshit.  
  
I looked across the parking lot, and to my greatest horror, I found Jimmy and his 'gang' coming right for me. Jimmy was probably the one who had engraved the word. He was always bullying me. I can't believe we had ever been friends.  
  
I quickly got into my car, put my seat belt, and drove out of there. I looked back at Jimmy in my mirror. He was smiling.  
  
My eyes went back to the road ahead of me. ~ I can't go home, my parents don't expect me back for another hour. Dumbass counselor. Where does that leave me? ~  
  
This next thought took a lot out of me. ~ I guess I could go visit Andrew's grave. ~  
  
=============  
  
"Andrew..." I whispered as I traced the lettering on his headstone.  
  
* * * *  
  
Andrew Maverick  
  
Born January 28, 1987. Died January 28, 2005.  
  
A loving son and brother who was unjustly struck from this world all too early...  
  
* * * *  
  
~ He was only eighteen! Damn the world. We were friends. We were lovers. ~  
  
I got up off the ground and adjusted my skirt. It had been Andrew who had introduced me into the world of cross-dressing. I didn't think I would like it, but now... ~ At least then I had him. If only... ~  
  
"Hey!" I heard someone say. I looked up. It was Wesley, Andrew's younger, violent brother. He was with some of his friends. They all looked pissed.  
  
I knew he hated me. I was the reason for his entire world to come crashing down. I was the reason Andrew had died.  
  
"What the hell are you doing?" he asked scowling. "Queer." He added distastefully.  
  
"I was just visiting, you know?" I said, backing away from Wesley slowly.  
  
"No I don't know faggot. I thought I told you to stay away. Andy doesn't need no weirdo jacking off on his grave!" He and his friends now started to approach me. I saw Wesley pick something up off the ground.  
  
I didn't bother to stick around and find out what it was. I turned and tried to run away. "Get him!" I heard someone yell. I think I might have gotten about a few steps before I felt something sharply hit my head. Hard.  
  
Wesley had picked up a rock and had thrown it at me.  
  
I fell to the ground and everything became hazy. I saw Wesley and his gang surround me in a circle. I saw their lips moving, saying the familiar words, 'Faggot', and 'Queer' but I didn't hear anything. It was like the world was on 'mute'.  
  
I saw one of Wesley's friends, J.T. I think, pick up a stick. I saw him swing it down at me. I felt the impact of the branch, but for some odd reason, I didn't feel the actual pain.  
  
If I had been fully aware of anything, I would have known something was wrong. I should have felt pain, but I was too numb to really feel anything.  
  
I saw as more boys pick up on the idea of 'pain and torture', Wesley especially. They all went for sticks and rocks to hit me with.  
  
I tasted the blood from a cut on my forehead. It had dripped down and ran into my mouth. I didn't care.  
  
I felt the pummeling of rocks and sticks by the teens. I didn't care.  
  
~ Sticks and stones may bash my brains out to the ground... ~  
  
I finally heard something. It was the blood-curdling cry of eight teens gone mad. I didn't care.  
  
I didn't think of how to escape. I didn't think about why this was happening. I didn't think about how much it hurt. All I could think of was how cold I had become.  
  
=============  
  
My eyes fluttered open to the sunlight. A dark scene greeted me. I was lying chest down into the dirt. I was naked. Ever wondered what mud tasted like? I knew just then, I had pounds of it in my mouth.  
  
I tried moving, but couldn't. My arm was probably broken. I coughed and spat out blood. ~ Just great. ~  
  
But worse of all, now I could feel the pain. It ran through my veins like a burning fire. I hurt. I hurt so much I went back to sleep.  
  
=============  
  
Disclaimer: I do not own Degrassi. Obviously. Otherwise, I would be bragging about it, and you would never hear the end.  
  
Rated: PG-13 (Language, violence, and general discontent!) 


	3. Five Man Army

Out There

Bren Eldrid Bera

=============

It was Sunday. Night. _~ I think ~_

I had managed to roll over since I had last woken up. Now I was lying back down in the mud. It was raining. I was soaked. _~ Like I give a damn ~ _

I hurt. Whatever Wesley and his friends had done last night after I passed out must have been really bad. _~ This is not good ~ _Sure, they had punched and kicked me a few times before...

__

~ But they were usually caught. Teachers, parents, whatever... they were always caught. They would have done to me a long_ time ago if they could have. I never realized how much Wesley really despised me... ~_

I tried to move. I couldn't. Two things. The pain. The mud.

The pain burned. I felt like I was on fire.

The mud stuck. It held me; sucked me down to the ground.

I was immobile. _~ Damn ~_

I couldn't hardly breath either. Or when I tried, it stung. _~ A rib must be broken or something ~ _So I was trying to hold my breath. Then I would run out of air. Then I would black out. Then I would gasp for air. Then my lungs would feel like they were being ripped apart. Then the cycle would start over.

__

~ Damn ~

I knew I couldn't last long like this. I had to do something.

I tried moving again. I couldn't do anything.

Everything got really hazy again. _~ I guess I tried to do too much. Damn ~_

=============

(Flashback three years ago)

Gavin Mason took a deep breath. Today was his first day of high school. Last year didn't count. They were stuck in the old building, with all the same people. His sister, Kendra would still be attending that school. _~ At least she will be away from that Toby kid. I seriously thought he was a faggot or something ~ _Spinner-as he was nicknamed- grabbed his backpack off the kitchen counter and walked out the door. 

The bright sun hit him and he had to squint to see. _~ The last thing I need is some sort of queer hanging around ~_

"Spinner!" he heard someone yell. He turned around and saw Jimmy, Craig, and Marco. They were waving at him. "Hey!" Jimmy called out. "Over here!" _~ Yeah, as if it weren't obvious... ~ _Sometimes they acted so immature. Most people would burst out laughing if they ever knew Spinner thought that. _~ But that was when I was younger. I was so stupid then. ~_

There was one person though who wouldn't think that. _~ Lacey... ~_ She had transferred in the middle of the year last year. She hadn't witnessed or had really heard about his very embarrassing episode. She didn't think him to be a total dork. 

Spinner had loved her the moment he had first seen her. _~ She is beautiful. I wish she would notice me... ~ _There was something about her, she just seemed a whole lot more mature then the girls he was used to.

"How was your summer?" Craig asked, interrupting his thought. Spinner had spent the summer with some relatives in the States, Chicago to be exact. How different it was.

"Great!" said Spinner.

"Meet any girls?" Marco questioned. 

"Nah" Spinner lied. There really were some cool girls in the States. This one girl Bren Bera... (A/N: LOL!) But he didn't want to get into it. Something had changed him over the summer. "How was it here? Same old, same old?" Spinner asked.

"No way!" said Jimmy. "Ok, we were at Paige's party and someone like, did something-" Spinner rolled his eyes. This would go on forever. He decided to tune out of this conversation. _~ Lalala this is boring lalala ~_

Then he saw Lacey. She was talking to some of her friends. He noted that Paige was not among them. Lacey and Paige had been really close before the summer. He wondered what had happened.

"Bye guys" he said quickly, ignoring their protests, and left. Spinner had suddenly got this big confidence boost. _~ Normally when I am around her I freeze up. I wonder why I am not now. ~_

He had planned for this exact moment all summer. He was going to talk to Lacey. He was not going to freak out. He was not going to freeze up. _~ Just have to keep saying that ~ _Spinner had reached his destination. He was only a few feet away from her. He was going to talk to Lacey. "Hey Lacey!" he said.

She turned around. She saw him. He froze up. Lacey frowned when she saw him. "Hey... Spencer?" she said, grasping for a name.

"It's Spinner." He told her. _~ You know, Spinner, the guy who took you to the End of the Year dance? The guy who kissed you 'the best you had ever been kissed' as you had said? The guy who said he would miss you over the summer...? ~_

Lacey wrinkled her nose when she heard the name. "Spinner. What kind of a name is that?"

Spinner quickly said, "My real name is Gavin. Gavin Mason."

Lacey smiled, her blue eyes sparkling. "I like Gavin better." Then she turned around and started talking with her friends about the latest trends.

Spinner was flabbergasted. That did not go as he had planned! He turned around and started to walk to school when he heard Lacey call, "Hey... Ah... Gavin!" Spinner turned around and walked back over. "I am having a party tonight. It's gonna be like the whole 'back to school' thing, but not as gay. **_No parents _**either. Wanna come?" Lacey had emphasized on the 'no parents' thing. He didn't know if that was good or bad.

"Sure!" Spinner said. "Who else is going to be there?"

"I dunno," Lacey said. "Probably some of my brother's friends. They are all Upperclassmen, grades 11 and 12. And whomever I invite."

"Cool!" Spinner said.

"But could you do me a real big favor?" Lacey asked. "Could you invite Marco for me? I never get to see him, and well... I _really_ want him to come. Oh yeah, and a few other cute guys too. You know?"

"Ok," Spinner said, again using only one word because the author is too lazy to write an entire sentence. Lacey turned around again and went back to clothes.

Spinner turned around and walked back to his friend who were all grinning -- except for Craig. "So...?" Jimmy asked.

"Lacey Murrain just invited me to her party tonight!" All of the teen guys-excluding Craig-held hands in a circle and jumped up and down squealing. "She is so hot!" Marco said. "You are so lucky!" Jimmy said. "Oh my gosh! I didn't even tell you the best part!" said Spinner. "You guys are like, soo invited!" This caused the guys-except for Craig (who was standing nonchalantly, arms crossed) to squeal even louder. "Oh my gosh! This is going to be like, the _greatest party ever_!" yelled Jimmy, Spinner, and Marco in unisons. Then they started to hug each other. 

Craig had had enough. "Do you know how gay you guys look?" he asked.

This snapped them out of it. They all quickly separated and started showing off their muscle clad bodies. "Oh, yeah." Jimmy said, his voice two pitches lower then normal. "How 'bout them Maple Leaves?"

"Yeah," agreed Marco and Spinner. "How 'bout them?"

Craig, in pure disgust, said, "That doesn't work either you fairies!" 

"How about we forget this entire scene-in which the author wrote when she just drank an entire can of Pepsi Blue-ever happened?" Spinner said. "You know how powerful that Pepsi Blue can be! Makes people delusional!"

"Yeah!" said Jimmy. "What, with forty grams of sugar, that is some weak stuff!"

"Powerful weak!" added Marco.

And so, linking arms, Jimmy, Marco, Spinner, and Craig skipped away to school, vowing never to speak of what had just happened again. Hoping that one day this wasn't going to come back and bite them in the ass!

=============

(Sorry about that folks! That last part was my CrAzY side talking! [cRaZy side: I am not CrAzY! I am cRaZy!] Partially sane side: What's the difference? *Bren beats back other sides with a stick.* Sorry! They got out of their cages! *Partially sane and cRaZy sides come back and beat Bren with a stick down to the ground*)

Don't worry! The story WILL continue! *Bren retires to her lair to continue*

"We have a _lair_?" asks the cRaZy side. "Why wasn't I aware of this?"

"Because you are a _loser_." Mutters the partially sane side.

"What was that?" asks the cRaZy.

"Nothing!" yells the partially.

[Exuent]

=============

Spinner reviewed his schedule. _~ Ok, lets see. Spanish first hour, Health second, Biology third, World Civilization, Art 2D, LUNCH, Algebra, and English, FINALLY the last class of the day. Dumbass schedule... ~_

(A/N Actually that is my schedule next semester. Except replace Art2D with BAND, and add the word _Honors_ to a lot of the classes...)

"Hey Spinner," Jimmy said, holding a piece of paper in his hand. "Let me see your schedule. I want to see if we have any classes together."

Spinner made a decision. "You know what. I don't want to be called Spinner anymore. That is so junior high. Call me by my real name."

His friends were looking at him oddly. Craig finally asked. "What is your real name? I never learned it. I always thought it _was_ Spinner."

"Gavin" he said.

"Ah... Ok... Gavin. Whatever you say." Said Jimmy, obviously surprised. "Yeah." Marco and Craig agreed. They stood there for a moment uncomfortably. "Here," the newly renamed Gavin said, shoving his schedule at Jimmy. "My schedule."

Jimmy looked puzzled, then suddenly remembered, "Oh, yeah, your schedule!" Everyone put their pieces of paper together and crowded around them, hoping to be in each other's classes.

There were, of course, the occasional 'damn', and 'shit' muttered by everyone, Jimmy especially. It appeared they had almost been completely separated from one another. Jimmy was not in any of their classes; he had almost everything at different hours. Except for lunch, they all lunched together, luckily. 

The first bell rang. Gavin looked up from the papers and saw people were entering the school. They each said their respective good-byes and went their separate ways.

For the first time, Gavin got his first real look at the building. Sure he had seen it before, when he was passing by and during Orientation Night, but both had been briefly and the second at night.

The workers had almost finished renovating, but that was mainly on the inside. The outside looked like it did when it was built sixty-four years ago. Except you had to really use your imagination to actually see what that could look like. The building was so old it was falling apart. Sure their had been the occasional touch up, but those had been few and there hadn't been a big budget at that.

The building was originally a grey color, when it was built in 1942. But sometime during the seventies, the school board had gotten it into their minds to paint it a really ugly, puke looking orange color. That was twenty years ago and they hadn't done anything with it since. The paint had chipped over time until it was mostly gray again, but there were still some ugly orange splotches here and there. It was also built of bricks of really cheap material. So of course it was falling apart.

The windows are what gave the building its most memorable look. They were each spaced evenly in the same rectangular space, each the same size, and there were two stories at that. Two stories of the same shaped windows, evenly spaced... It looked like a prison! _~ I am surprised that there are not bars over the window! ~_

Gavin looked at the main entrance door and changed his mind about entering, at least through there. Students were poring in, shoving, and pushing with no regard towards one another. Normally, Gavin would have enjoyed something like that, but there were students twice his size. _~ Upperclassmen! ~_

He tried to remember where he had put the map he had received during Orientation. _~ Mom handed it to me and I... I... can't remember what I did with it. Damn it! ~ _Gavin tried looking around for some help, without really looking like he was looking for help. He saw some people in the Student Council handing out maps. _~ Success! ~_

Gavin nonchalantly walked up to them snagged one and then hurried away. _~ Don't want to look like some lost loser! Well, like a Niner actually ~ _He checked the map. The best route to his new locker would be through a side door. He looked up from the map to the said door. Not as many people were using it. _~ Good ~_

He entered and started looking for his locker. _~ Ok, lets see. It says on my schedule locker 1372. There's 1354, 1355, 1356. ~_ Gavin looked up and saw a big crowd hanging around a locker up ahead._ ~ Please don't let that be near mine... please, please, please... DAMN IT! ~ _The big group of people was surrounding the area near his locker, just standing around and talking. They looked like upperclassmen. Sporty, Jock, Athletic, beat the crap out of you if you even look at me type people too.

Gavin tried to squeeze through the crowd, but nobody would let him by. The second bell, which warned them to get to class in ten minutes - or else - rang. _~ Damn it! I don't even know where the Spanish room is! I am going to be late ~ _The bell didn't seem to phase the upperclassmen either. ~ _Guess I am going to have to force my way through. ~_

And he did. He pushed, he shoved, he stepped on a couple of people's feet, but he got to his locker. _~ Locker 1372. Great. Now what was the combination? ~ _A wave of panic flashed through Gavin before he realized that he had remembered to write it down on his hand earlier. _~ Oh yeah! 13-15-05 ~ _(A/N: my gym locker combination! Don't you dare go into it though...RENEE!)

Gavin put the combination into the lock and pulled on the handle. Nothing happened. He inserted the combination again and tried pulling harder. Still nothing. "Damn it!" he cursed.

One of the upperclassmen must have heard him, because he started laughing. Gavin looked up and saw him snickering. He scowled and said, "What? Do you think this is funny? I sure as hell don't!" The blonde upperclassman started pushing his way through the crowd over to the locker.

"Sorry Ames," the upperclassman said after elbowing another in the ribs. When he got to the locker, he grinned and brushed back some of his ear-lobe length hair to show multiple piercings. "I had this locker two years ago when I was a Niner. They say it is the worst one in the school." The blonde upperclassman turned to the locker, inserted the combination, and then hit the top with his palm sharply. "There," he said, turning back to Gavin, still grinning. "That should do it!" Gavin had to look up; the older youth was almost two heads taller then him.

Gavin tried once again to open the damned locker. He tried pulling up on the handle with all of his might to open it. Nothing happened. Again. Gavin saw that the blonde was frowning. "That should have worked..." he was muttering. Suddenly, the upperclassman's eyes lit up. "Oh yeah! I forgot! You have to-" but Gavin didn't really catch the last part as the five minute bell rang. The next thing he knew the horde of upperclassmen was pushing him this way and that. He tried to stay on his feet for dear life. 

But the strangest thing seemed to happen. One minute he was surrounded by people, the next everyone was gone and he was almost alone in the hallway. There were blonde upperclassmen, still grinning, a few other students-all running around haplessly- and his locker... that was open.

"Thanks" Gavin said.

"No problem!" said the older boy. He started to walk away. Gavin watch him for a moment then went back to his locker. He jammed a few things into his locker then closed it. The locker shutting in the empty hallway made a noise louder then he had expected. _~ Shit I still don't know where the Spanish room is! ~ _Gavin checked his watch. _~ Three more minutes before the final bell rings! I CAN'T be late on the first day! ~_

Sure, something like this wouldn't really phase him last year, but then he had known the teachers. He had known the school. Hell, he had even known most of the students. And they had known him. _~ Mainly by my reputation as a bully and a failure. But this year was supposed to be different! ~ _Gavin started to roam the hallways, desperately looking for something that looked even remotely like the Spanish room.

"Hey!" he heard someone yell. Gavin spun around and saw it was the same blonde upperclassman. He was standing at the end of the hallway, arms crossed. He actually looked like he was in one of those ridiculous-looking poses the anime character his sister was always talking about. Go-whatever. 

"Hey" Gavin said, though not quite as loud.

"Are you lost?" asked the blonde upperclassman.

Gavin didn't want to admit it, but he was. He had no idea where he was going. He was helplessly lost. The bell was going to ring soon. He would be late for class. The teacher would mark him absent. He would have a reputation as a troublemaker on the friggen first day of school. _~ Damn it! ~ _"Yeah," Gavin reluctantly said, and started walking towards the older youth. "I'm lost."

The blonde grinned again. "Where are you going?" He asked when Gavin got to him.

Gavin looked down at the piece of paper he was clutching. "Spanish, Room 203." Gavin looked up from the paper and saw the upperclassman was laughing. "What's so funny?" he asked.

"I'll tell you along the way!" he said, still laughing, and set off at a dead run. Gavin stood there for a moment then set off after him. He caught up with the blonde, but it wasn't easy. _~ Must be in track or something. Good thing I did soccer over the summer, otherwise I would be lost by now! ~ _The upperclassman was leading him through a maze of hallways and turns. _~ I don't think I could find my way back to my locker, let alone a class I have never seen before. ~_

"So what was so funny?" Gavin asked after they had been running for a bit. 

The blonde upperclassman looked down at Gavin and smiled. "The Spanish room is completely across the building _and_ upstairs. It usually takes me four or five minutes to get there because the school was built really crappy. We had two minutes."

"Oh" Gavin said, not really sure how this could be considered funny. If anything, it was stupid. They had reached a staircase and the older youth was taking them two and sometimes three at a time. And he was still running. Gavin followed and reflected. _~ Why would he go out of his way to help me? Twice, with the whole locker thing. Doesn't he have to get to class too? ~ _They reached the top of the staircase and Gavin saw signs of a Spanish room. There were posters covering the hallway walls everywhere saying 'Hola' and 'Buenos Dias'.

The taller youth slowed down and motioned for Gavin to stop also. He walked in and Gavin followed. The bell rang. _~ Just made it ~ _Gavin quickly scanned the room for someone he knew, but couldn't find any familiar faces. Disappointed, he next looked for a place to sit. He found one next to two very hot girls. Gavin looked and saw that he was sitting two desks down from the blonde who had brought him here. He was talking to some other people. He actually looked like he was flirting with some girls. _~ That was why he offered to help me! He was coming to this class anyway... But why did he come back in the first place? ~_

Before he could introduce himself to the two girls h was sitting next to, the teacher came in and called for their attention.

(This is the part where I show off my _wonderful_ Spanish skills. Bare with me, it is the friggen winter holidays and I am only in Spanish One at that! And to those of you who can not speak Spanish... Oh Well!)

"Buenos Dias clase. Yo soy profesor Hernandez. Enseño clase de Español y col." Some of the students started giggling, but Gavin couldn't figure out why. He couldn't understand a word the teacher was saying.

Gavin glanced over and saw the blonde upperclassman was cracking up. What Gavin could tell was that whatever the teacher said, it wasn't _that_ funny. _~ Weird ~ _Gavin looked back up to the teacher. Switching to English, the teacher said, "Would anybody care to explain what I just said?"

A few hands shot up. The teacher nodded and Gavin heard the familiar voce of the blonde student speaking. "You said hello, that your name was Mr. Hernandez, and that you taught Spanish and _cabbage_."

The now named Mr. Hernandez nodded again. There were a few more giggles. "Thank you Mateo." _~ Mateo. What kind of a name is that? ~ _"Now, I am going to sort you alphabetically," said Mr. Hernandez. "The person you sit next to will be your Spanish partner for the REST OF THE YEAR. Gavin spaced out.

When he heard his name, he got up and sat in the designated seat. Gavin looked at who his Spanish partner was to be. It was the blonde upperclassman from before. "Hey" the older youth said. 

"Hey." Said Gavin.

"My name is Andrew, Andrew Maverick" he said holding out his hand. Gavin frowned and said, "I thought your name was Mateo." 

Andrew laughed. "That my Spanish name, unfortunately. I got it two years ago and Mr. H. refuses to let me change it. You will be assigned one too. It will probably be something you hate, it always is." They sat for a moment. "What is your name?" Andrew finally asked.

"Spinn-Gavin" he had to correct himself. _~ No, it is not Spinner anymore. Gavin. ~_

"SpinnGavin?"

"Gavin."

Andrew smiled. "Cool."

And this was how I met Andrew Maverick, future friend, council, and eventual lover.

=============

Ahh! Long chapy! I think I shall always try to write them long like this. But that means a longer wait! I meant to update sooner, but on Friday (12/26) my computer... died. I learned a valuable lesson. Blue Pepsi + hard drive =Bad. Then on Saturday, I went to me Pops for the night. He doesn't have a computer. Then earlier tonight I went to my mums Birthday party. So! Happy Reading! I wasn't really pleased with this though, it seemed so fake towards the end! And I need a thesaurus. Too many 'saids'! (Hey everyone, do you think everyone is OOC? If so, tell me!)

P.S. Bren Bera is LUCKY! I was suppose to have my wisdom teeth removed on Friday, but the oral surgeon slipped and fell on some ice. I think he broke his arm! Yeah! (I didn't have to have them removed...yet.) But that means my stories aren't going to be as angsty as I was planning! :( (pain = angst)

Kandiange145 - How about new chapter 12/29/02? Sound better? I thought so. Yeah! And no, Craig is not going to be Spinner's lover. That would be Andrew Maverick. I have a darker job for Craig...

The Fake Alexandra Cabot - Thanx! (For the advice on the rating) My bro is 13 and he is offended (I think) by that kind of language, so I wasn't sure! *Hope you didn't sift to far away!* Otherwise you won't read this new part!

Lilly - Yeah! Mary Sues suck! (I think I am going to write one soon though, they are fun!) Degrassi Slash is cool too! (L. Fox's Indian Summer RULES) Thanx for the cookies!

Jim B. - My first reviewer! Thanx! (I already answered your questions though in that gay-ass Read Me though!)

Bye Everyone! I have to go to work tomorrow. Or wait, today, as it nearing 12:15! But first: My next update: I have no idea. Give me a week or two or ten. Woo Hoo! I have entered the elite 'People with Stories on Degrassi with OVER 5000 Words!' (I shall be the TENTH! And this is out of 56 stories! -- As of 12/29/02) Yeah, I am pretty cynical about... things. It is my goal to be the first to accomplish over 20,000 words. I think I can do it. I have over 50 cans of Pepsi Blue and the Winter Holiday. The only thing standing between that and my goal is the evil thing named sleep...

Woah! By Odin, I almost forgot the Disclaimer! Don't want to get sued! I don't own any things pertaining to Degrassi, I merely shift them to my own liking. 

[Exuent]


	4. Confrontation

Out There

Bren Eldrid Bera -- who knows nothing about Gavin's home life, so most of the following is based on assumptions and educated guesses!

=============

The rain had stopped and the sun was shinning. I didn't care. My entire body hurt as if I had fallen off a cliff. I didn't care. The flies were already buzzing around my body, looking for places to lay their maggots. I didn't care.

I just didn't care.

Andrew was Gavin. Gavin was Andrew. Without Andrew there was no Gavin. I was everything but dead. The only thing they kept me alive was the memories.

The memories of the pain, the suffering, and Gavin. The memories of the love, the happiness, and Andrew. I could see Andrew. He was waiting for me. Waiting for my life to pass so I could join him. I wanted to join him. I just couldn't.

Something was holding me back. Was it the hate I felt for Wesley and everyone at school? Was it the love of my family, no matter how much they despised me? I didn't know. It was just... something.

All I knew is that Gavin was dead. Gavin had died along with Andrew. I was... something else. I was the thing that had taken over Gavin's body during the time of great suffering. Not Gavin.

But I wasn't Tiffany either. Tiffany is what I had been after Gavin. Tiffany was an illusion created by Gavin. The illusion of comfort, strength, and stability. The kind of life Gavin had wanted with Andrew. But Tiffany couldn't be real, because Gavin wasn't real anymore. Reality had been beaten out of me. ~ _Why bother without Andrew? ~ _

I, not Gavin, opened my eyes. I, not Gavin, struggled to get up. I, not Gavin, reopened the half-healed cuts to bleed once more. It was I, not Gavin, who would face the challenges ahead. But if I wasn't Gavin, why did I still suffer from the memories? The memories of Andrew, our times together, and his death. If I wasn't Gavin, who was I?

=============

(Flashback three years ago -Again! That night...)

Gavin Mason was going to get some action. By the end of tonight, he would be able to say he had made out with Lacey, he just knew it. Gavin kept telling himself that as he looked himself over in the mirror of the bathroom he shared with his sister Kendra.

He picked up a comb and ran it through his brown hair. During the middle of last year he had found inspiration to dye it blonde, but that had just looked horrible. Now it was back to its original murky color, only longer. He was trying to grow it out like the guy in the band The Vines.

__

~ Tonight will be great, I just know it! ~ His first _real _party in high school. The stuff last year didn't count. They had been baby parties. _~ I can't believe I thought cheese-wiz was fun to eat! God I was so immature then! ~ _Gavin finished with his hair and stepped back to admire himself. 

He was wearing a black T-shirt with white writing that said, 'If everything seems under control, you're just not going fast enough' and black jeans. Gavin couldn't decide whether to wear his earring or not. He eventually resolved to keep it in. _~ Why not? It seems like everyone has a piercing ~_

"Gavin!" Kendra yelled, pounding on the door. "Are you done yet? I have to go!"

He yelled back, "Almost!"

He heard Kendra get disgusted outside the door. "Argh! Sometimes he acts like a girl he is always in the bathroom for so long!"

Gavin, aware of his little sister's needs, quickly brushed his teeth. He opened the door just as Kendra was about to have another fit. "There, I'm done!" He stepped around her, lightly pushed her in, and started to walk away. She slammed the door behind him.

"What are you kids doing?" his mother called, concerned over the state of her home.

"Nothing!" they both yelled, Kendra from the bathroom, Gavin from the hall.

His stomach rumbling, he went to the kitchen to get something to eat. He found his mom looking over some office work. She muttered, "Damn insurance".

"Hey mom," Gavin said, briefly bringing his mother's attention away from the records.

"Hmm" she said, not really listening.

Gavin cleared his throughout. This would be tough, getting his mother to agree to let him go to the party. She was always being protective over him and had been a nervous wreck when he went to Chicago over the summer for soccer camp. "Can I go to a party? It is at Lacey's house. I told you about her, you met her a couple of times. I will be sure to be home at a 'decent hour' too. And if I see any... bad things, I will be sure to leave."

"Sure" she said, still shuffling through the papers.

"Sure? That's it?" Gavin was stunned. His mother had never willingly consented to something like this before. "I mean, I want to go but, sure...?"

His mother looked up from her work and said, "I don't see why not. You have always acted responsible before, you haven't gotten into trouble that much lately. What you just said showed me you are very responsible to think about such things. I really don't see why you couldn't."

"Cool...?" Gavin said, unsure how to respond to such a change in his mother. He brightened up "I'll go tell Dad!"

As Gavin left the kitchen, his mother smiled, glad that her son was finally starting to grow up.

=============

"Absolutely not!" his father said with the same kind of determination Gavin had heard his mother use countless times before.

"Daadd..." Gavin whined. "All the other guys are going and Mom said yes!" His father looked shocked for a moment then yelled, "Grace, could you come in here?" His mother entered the room, puzzled look upon her face. "What?"

Seething, his father nearly shouted, "Your son wants to go to one of the Maverick parties. You know what happens! Drugs, sex, beer...!" His mother didn't seem phased by this though. She remained calm and composed. "If Gavin wants to go, I do not see why he can not. He has acted nothing but in the most responsible way for the past few months." His father was grinding his teeth. _~ He's really pissed! ~ _

"Can I talk to you in the other room, dear?" He pronounced each word slowly but sharply and had really loaded the sarcasm in on the last word. His parents left and Gavin was left alone in the living room. He heard them go up to their bedroom and close the door.

"Hey." Gavin spun around and found Kendra behind him. She had been attracted to the situation by the yelling and was intrigued to find out what was wrong. "What's the matter, why can't you go?"

Gavin rolled his eyes. "Dad won't let me go to some party just because it is at the Maverick's."

Kendra raised her eyebrows. "I've heard of those. They say at school that it gets really... dirty. All the cool people go. Who would invite you?" Gavin punched her in the arm. "Owe!" she said and punched him back. "I bet I know why you want to go!"

Gavin sobered up. "Why?"

Kendra smirked. "Two words. Lacey Maverick!"

"Shut up you little turd!" Gavin said and started to tickle her. This caused Kendra giggle. They fell onto couch laughing and tickling one another. They heard the door open to their parent's bedroom. They became quite. Kendra got up off the couch and left the living room while Gavin remained on the couch.

Gavin found his mother entering the living room. _~ Ok, this will determine the rest of my high school popularity. If I don't go, Lacey won't ask me again and... Well I don't want to think about that. ~_

His mother spoke. "After much... discussion. Your father and I decided you could go to the party."

"Yes!" Gavin said, leaping off the couch. "Thank you so much-"

His mother interrupted his celebration. "-On one condition. If you see anything... bad, you must not do it. That means no drinking, no sex, no whatever. Do you understand?"

Gavin nodded. "I understand." Then, whispering, "You really whipped him didn't you?"

His mother smiled and pantomimed cracking a whip. She left the living room and allowed Gavin to celebrate further. _~ My first high school party! Yes! I gotta call the guys! ~ _Gavin grabbed the phone and dialed the first number that came into his head. _~ Jimmy ~_

Jimmy picked up the phone on the third ring. "Hey, it's Jimmy."

"It's Gavin. Are you going to Lacey's party?" he asked.

"Nah, parents won't let me go. It is my Grandpa's birthday. He is like turning ninety or something so I have to go."

"That sucks!" Gavin exclaimed at the indignity.

"Yeah, later I have to go." Jimmy said and hung up.

Gavin clutched the phone for a moment and wondered who to call next. But he didn't have to call, as the phone rang in his hands.

"Hello?"

"Hey... Ah.., Gavin. It's Craig. I wanted to know if you were going to Lacey's tonight."

"Yeah! But I need a ride man!"

"No problem, Joey can pick you up. We were already going to pick up Marco! How about at seven thirty?" Craig said with much enthusiasm. (You know how his voice gets!)

Gavin checked his watch. It was six thirty now. "Sure! Great! Bye!" And then he hung up. He had an hour to kill. Might as well spend it... experimenting. He was a fourteen-year-old boy who was rather interested in such things. What else was he supposed to do?

=============

THE FOLLOWING IN NO WAY RELATES TO ANY PART OF THE STORY I JUST WROTE IT BECAUSE I AM FEELING really DEPRESSED RIGHT NOW. IF SUCH THINGS OFFEND YOU I WOULD SUGGEST YOU DO NOT READ THIS. THAT WOULD BE THE MOST OBVIOUS THING TO DO. SO READ ON! (IF YOU DARE...)

=============

=============

Gavin went up to his room and locked the door. If anyone -like his sister- found him... experimenting he would never hear the end of it. By the next day, the entire school would know and that would be pure hell. He had a reputation to uphold, you know?

He went to his chair at his desk and sat down. Gavin reached into a compartment of the desk and pulled out... the book. The book was very useful. It told him how to proceed. His father had given it to him on his twelfth birthday. 

It was after his party, his father had taken him aside and tried to explain a few things. His father had said, "Son, I know you are not interested in such things yet, but when I was your age... I started to take a liking to these... experiments. I know one day you will too... don't deny it, it runs in the family. We always start experimenting at an early age. I remember your grandpappy saying he was only seven when he first started. So uhh... good luck?"

Gavin had nodded and smiled and when his father wasn't looking, he had shoved the book under his bed. But half a year ago, Gavin had found the book while he was cleaning his room. He found it... intriguing and vowed that night to try things. And he had. And Gavin had enjoyed it. Now whenever Gavin had free time he would go up to his room and experiment. 

Gavin laid the book down on his desk. He flipped a few pages until he found something that interested him and that he could do with one person. Gavin had wanted to do these things with another person. He was always afraid that they would laugh at him when he told them about the experiments.

Gavin had almost had the nerve to ask Terri. She seemed like a nice, smart girl. But that night, she had acted strangely and Gavin didn't want to share anything with a freak that could ruin it. (A/N: Please forgive me goddess Terri! I worship you! Down with Paige!) 

He looked over the things he would need to do it. Not bad. He had everything needed and it looked like it would be quick too.

One day a couple of weeks ago, he had snuck off into downtown Degrassi. He had found a store that sold... the kind of things he would need. He had bought them and hid them in his room in his desk. If anyone found the items, he would be so embarrassed! Gavin searched around in his desk for the proper... tools.

__

~ Let's see... What does it calls for? Ahh! Acetic acid, milk, my Bunsen Burner-if I want to heat it of course!- Muslin cloth and finally a little Sodium Tetraborate! That is Borax I believe... By the end of this experiment, I will have made glue from milk. Cool! This reminds me of the time I made ink from tea! Fun! ~

Gavin did the experiment just as the science book told him to. _~ Dad was right when he said this was fun! ~_

Soon he had made a powder substance. If he added water, it would turn into a strong glue!

=============

Ok, by now you must have figured out that our little Gavin is quite the scientist!

=============

Gavin checked his watch. It was nearly seven thirty! Time to go to the party! _~ Shit, I have to clean up! ~ _He put the white powder in a baggy which he then stuffed into his pocket. _~ I'll have to use it later! ~ _The rest of his materials, he jammed into his desk drawer. Just as he was closing it, Kendra pounded on the door and yelled, "Gavin, you ride's here!" 

Gavin checked himself in a mirror once more then ran out of his room. The car, just as Kendra had said, was outside waiting.

"Hey guys!" he said and hopped in the back. 

"Hi Gavin!" Craig said, waving a little.

Gavin asked, "Ready to Party?" 

"Yeah!" Marco yelled.

And they were off.

[Exuent]

=============

Ok, that was extremely gay. (No pun intended --the story) The entire chappy. I hated it. I think I was listening to the wrong music! (White Stripes-their shit depresses me!) I am just so sad right now... no one seems to review anymore! I worked hard on the third chapter of Unwanted and I got one review for it! Sorry if I am being obnoxious, begging for reviews, but still! 

****

DeftonesX: What? Jimmy likes Ashley?!?! I thought he liked PAIGE!!! AHHH! **Fake Alexandra Cabot:** Yeah, I made them OOC. How could they be in character and do that! LOL! And I read your lizze story, it RULES! **Kandiangel**: Please don't hurt the monkeys on behalf of this story, especially as how it seems to be going downhill. **Knightlife:** Get a life, but we have already discussed this. No need bringing up bad memories! **LoserLedger:** you rock and so does your story! Twincest! **El Sabio: ***beams* that is the third time someone has called me a pervert today!

Updates: Later. School is starting again. But I promise you, the next chappy will be TONS better! I hate this one, and am determined to do better next time! NOW GO READ UNWANTED AND REVIEW!


	5. Block Rockin Beats

Out There [But not relating to that show on the N. This story was around before they even started advertising for the show]

Bren Eldrid Bera – Wow, it has been ages since I last updated this! This is going to be pretty Sci-Fi now! [Mainly because I'm insane] So that's cool! Degrassi gets it first science fiction fic! Did I mention AU? Yes, very AU too!

=============

If you don't have a soul, what happens when you die?

I could feel it approaching me, my inevitable death. I could have thought about my 'family', the few friends I still had, or anything. But that question that had haunted man for millions of years was plaguing my mind. What was going to happen to me when I died?

But I was different then all of the other people who had died before me. I wasn't Gavin, I wasn't Spinner, and I wasn't Tiffany. They were dead. They had lived years. I was only a few days old.

I was the remaining sane thought that still inhibited this soulless husk. Yeah, a thought, a muse if you will. Not an actual being- just something else. A parasite. 

Like a space invader from one of those late night horror flicks. The ones where the monster looks more like your geometry teacher then any alien. I had taken over this body just like a line from a B-movie and whadda ya know, I was going to die in it soon too.

Hell my life, was it mine? -I still haven't determined that out yet- WAS pulp fiction. Some cheap production God had crapped on. Or else why would I die like this; in the fucking mud? Fucking mud.

And so I close my eyes. I prepare myself for death. In the mud, I, the thing that never should have existed, waited. I waited for something to happen...

_~ Nothing's happening dipshit ~_

You would think that I would just die right now. Whosever's' body this was –because it certainly wasn't mine- was in reality dead. The central nervous system was shot and most of my host's limbs were broken past repair. –And yes, I call this body my host now; not because of a lack of a better name, but because I think of myself as a parasite. 

It didn't make sense though. When the host dies, the one infecting it goes 'down with the ship'. This usually happens immediately. For all that it was worth, my host was dead. But I am not dead. I am alive. No sense at all. _~ Why the hell am I alive? I WANT to die now more then ever ~ _

And then it hits me, the creature. Gavin/Spinner/Tiffany wasn't supposed to die here. I certainly could, I could see the bleedin' gates leading to the next world, but Gavin/Spinner/Tiffany wasn't. They, combined as a soul, were combating death.  _~ Somewhere else. G/S/T was supposed to die somewhere else. But where? ~_

And so I, the parasite, thought for a moment. Where was G/S/T supposed to die? The hell if I knew. _~ Only one place to look ~ I searched through memories that were not mine. They technically belonged to the host I, the parasite, inhabited. But at least for the moment, I could call them my own. I had to hold on to something._

And I witnessed hell. 

This thing I had colonized had lived a life of utter misery for eighteen years. A lot of the memories I saw now, I doubt the previous owner-who ever that might be- had known about. The _drugs_ had suppressed them. From methylphenidate to thioridazine to citalopram, my host had been on it all since the age of 5.

And there were the beatings by his father at the age of eight and nine for playing with dolls, getting his hand crushed in a door for trying on his mother's clothing, the list was endless. There was an ongoing theme; pain, then a dormant time-if you will- of mental anguish, then more physical pain. The last four years seemed to have been particularly bad.

First the experimental affair he had had with a friend –Marco- towards the end of his ninth year; his father finding out and then the beatings. A year of figurative silence, then the cross-dressing, followed by the inevitable of his father finding out-and more beatings.

And then there was his relationship with Andrew Maverick.

=============

(Flashback: Three years – major pattern development!) [Gavin's POV]

It was unbelievable. He didn't know if this was real or if he was dreaming. He, Gavin Mason was at the coolest party ever! And Lacey was there too! And he was mingling with upperclassmen! And there was alcohol! This was going to be one wicked night.

Gavin had known it the moment Joey –Craig's stepfather— had dropped him, Marco, and Craig off. Music was blaring out of the speakers, people were dancing, and it was friggen awesome. Gavin wasn't sure where the others were. He had thought he had seen Craig head out to the back a little while earlier, and Marco- who knew? _He didn't. He was having too much of a fun time to care about his comrades. But there was just one thing missing..._

Lacey. He hadn't seen her all night. Gavin scanned the crowd for her. _~ Come on, I know she's here somewhere. It –is- her party after all. Stupid taller people ~ _He had to stand on his tip-toes just to get a good viewing site. Lacey hadn't been kidding about the upperclassmen coming. He was beginning to think that he was the only person under 17 here.

_~ No wait, what's that? ~ _Gavin did a quick double take. He thought he had seen a flash of her trademark whitish/blonde hair out of the corner of his eye. _~ I KNOW that shade of blonde. It HAS to be her! ~ _He started making his way across the crowded room. Where had she gone? To the back of the house? What was in the back? Food? 

He _was pretty hungry; Gavin hadn't had anything but a sandwich for lunch all day. He stood around for a bit, thinking about what to do. If there was food, he wanted in on the action. Finally, Gavin decided to just go and investigate. Climbing over an upturned chair, he continued his way across the house. _

The music got louder the further back he went. _~Guess the speakers are in the back ~ _The speakers were spitting out a fast beat with a loud thumping bass. The ?male? singer was blaring out seemingly random phrases in a high-pitched voice. Gavin couldn't understand what he was saying. He didn't recognize the song either. It sounded like a techno mix.  _~ I hate techno ~_

After going around a crowd of people playing an indoor football game he finally reached what appeared to be a small den. As he stood in the open door frame, Gavin quickly searched the room, looking for any trace of the girl. The only thing he saw was a group of teens playing a card game-strip poker. "Where is that mysterious blonde?" Gavin muttered with a deep frown set in his face. _~ Wait, mysterious blonde? Didn't I use that phrase before? It wasn't with Lacey though... THAT GUY! ~ _

And just as if Gavin's thoughts had summoned him, 'that guy'-Andrew Maverick- suddenly appeared out of thin air. It was in one of the worst ways. Andrew was running straight at him gripping a football. But he was running blindly, like a chicken with its head cut off. Andrew's head was intact though, merely turned in the opposite direction he was running. Gavin noted he was leering at the guys who were chasing him. 

Gavin tried to move out of the older teen's way, but he wasn't quick enough. Andrew roughly knocked into Gavin, sending him to the ground. The older teen, seemingly oblivious to the damage he had done to Gavin, continued running the few steps into the next room. A cheer rose from the crowd of people who had been playing the indoor football game. Andrew had apparently just scored a touchdown and the winning point.

But that did nothing for Gavin who was on the ground. The wind had been knocked out of him. This had happened countless times before to him on the soccer field, but that didn't mean he enjoyed it. But that wasn't anything compared to his ankle. It felt like it had been broken or something. 

Gavin crawled away from the threat of being trampled and propped himself up against a wall. He watched with disgust at the guy who had caused this pain to him. His friends were cheering and patting the blonde youth on the back for his apparent victory. Nobody seemed to notice Gavin's quite suffering. Not even the tall blonde teen that had put Gavin into his painful position.

_~ I'm gonna kill that guy. If he fucking broke my ankle and ruined my chances of making the high school soccer team, I swear I will kill him. ~ _Gavin looked down to inspect the damage. He winced as he checked his tender limb with his fingers. _~ Probably fractured. ~ _

Gavin looked back up at the crowd of celebrating upperclassmen. He saw the older blonde youth. Andrew was still surrounded by a group of admires. But it was the oddest thing; Andrew was indifferent to all of them. He was staring off into space, as if he didn't care.

Gavin frowned at his new enemy. ~ _Die Andrew Maverick, DIE ~_

=============

(Same party, Marco's POV)

The party blew ass. He kind of knew it would. The music sucked, people were being jerks, and that girl... she kept stalking him. He didn't know her name, but she was stalking him none the less. It had been like this all week at school. Everywhere he went, there she was. Marco tried to avoid her, but to no avail. And then here she was at the party continuing her sick little game of hide-and-seek. Hell, Marco bet that if he went into the john, the chic would probably follow. _~ Time to test my theory ~ _

Marco opened the door to what he presumed was the bathroom, and found he was correct. He closed the door and locked it. The music became quieter by a tenfold. Marco sighed and leaned against the wall. The bathroom was painted a dark green with tan fixtures. It was a dark, but calm place. Marco felt right a home.

_~ What the hell am I doing here anyway? I knew I wouldn't enjoy it. Shouda stayed home and tried to figure out some of that geometry Ms. Z had assigned. But then Spin-Gavin would have been disappointed. ~_

Marco sighed again and walked across the bathroom to sit on the edge of the tub. "Wouldn't want to make Gavin upset." He had had this-crush-on Gavin since the end of last year. He thought it would go away, because really? Gavin? But it hadn't. 

They had experimented at the end of last year, Gavin not knowing that Marco _really was gay- and by that time Marco had known. But they had stopped when summer came and Gavin had been in Chicago anyway. "Damn it." Marco said softly. "Why the hell did it have to be Gavin?" Sure, he was attracted to different boys, but it was Gavin who had his heart. _

There was a knock on the door, startling Marco out of his thoughts.

"What?" He had to half shout. It was quite in here, but outside the music was blaring full blast.

"Open up!" a voice shouted back.

It was probably that girl, come to stalk him again. He knew what those types wanted. Marco had gotten enough of that at his old school. It was when he was still trying to prove to himself that he didn't like guys. Marco had recklessly pursued after countless girls and would dump them once he got 'bored'.  Hell, he had nearly gotten himself in trouble more then once. But he didn't do that anymore. Besides, he didn't 'swing that way' either. 

The knocking continued.

"Damn it!" He cursed softly. What if it wasn't that girl? What if it was someone who honestly needed to use the john? Marco didn't like having people suffer on account of him. He wasn't like that anymore. He was a 'nice guy' now.

Marco got off the tub and walked across the forest-colored tiles of the bathroom. He opened the door – and there was the girl. _~ Stupid idiot! ~_

She smiled when she saw she had gotten her way. "So Marco, what are you doin' in here?" she purred and shifted her hips ever 'so'. She was trying to show off her figure – and Marco could admit it was fine – to him. But it wasn't what he wanted. He wanted the tall, muscular frame belonging to a certain soccer player.

Marco backed up and tried to quickly shut the door. She frowned and in a very unladylike fashion, shoved her foot in between the door and the frame. Marco hadn't noticed her last action closed the door on her foot.

She yelped out in pain. Marco swiftly opened the door. _~ Shit, did I hurt her? ~ _Apparently not, because the next thing he knew, she had pushed herself into the bathroom with Marco and had shut the door. He stumbled back and nearly tripped. _~ Damn, she is pretty strong! Wouldn't have expected it for a girl with that build- no, wait! What the hell am I saying? This bitch is horny for you, dude! Poor girl... ~ _

He tried to regain his composure and figure out what to do before something _bad_ happened. "So..." Marco started out slowly. "What's happening?"

The girl grinned and walked towards him, forcing Marco to walk blindly backwards. She stopped, he stopped. The girl frowned. _~ Maybe she's getting the hint-nope. ~ _She prowled-it was an honest to god prowl if Marco ever saw one-towards him, forcing Marco to either stand his ground and rub pelvis to pelvis with this crazy chic or end up in the tub. Marco chose the tub. 

It seemed the girl really was getting it now. "What the heck is your problem?" she asked, slightly ruffled. (A/N: like the potato chip!) "Here I am, practically offering myself to you and there you are in the friggen tub—" She stopped suddenly. "Oh." She had finally gotten it. 

"Yeah- oh." Marco repeated. He climbed out of the tub, figuring it was safe now. 

"Oh," She said again, only this time with more enthusiasm. If Marco didn't know any better, he would have said it was _sexy_. "I always wanted to try to turn a gay man straight. Come here—" She came at him again with open arms and her lips puckered.

"What?!" Marco asked in disbelief, his voice cracking in the most embarrassing fashion. "What the heck is your problem?" He started to back up again. 

She stopped and smiled mischievously. Wagging a finger at him, "I'm just totally messing with you." 

It was Marco's turn to say "Oh". He was more than extremely puzzled. 

She held her hand out to Marco. He stared at it for a bit, wondering if it was some sort of trick. Finally, when he noticed the girl was starting to frown, he quickly clasped it and rapidly shook it. 

"Hi," she said, drawing her hand away and putting both of them on her hips again. "We've never been properly introduced before and I've been trying all week-I knew you were gay the entire time by the way, I just like messing around with people-and I just wanted to say hi." She stopped for a moment as she saw the confused look on Marco's face. 

"Who are you? Whada you want?" he asked suspiciously, raising his right eyebrow ever so slightly. 

The She continued with a . "Here I am rambling one and you don't know a lick about me. Well, I have a business proposition for you. My name is Lacey by the way, Lacey Maverick."

=============

(Same Party, Craig's POV)

_~ Screw this, I'm going home ~ _Craig hadn't liked the party one bit since he had first walked in. No, truth be told, it wasn't then. Craig actually had been having fun for the first few hours, hanging out in the back smoking pot. It was when that jock had punched him in the face for hitting on his bimbo cheerleader girlfriend. THAT was when it had all gone down hill. _~ I am going to go home. To my real home. With Dad. ~ _

It was something he had been thinking of for the past few weeks. He missed his father real bad. It was like a part of him was missing. Sure, he hadn't like the entire –hateful- part, but that man was still his father. 

The judge who had overseen the trial said that his father was only allowed to see Craig under another adult's supervision. _~ F-ing gay if you'd ask me. ~ _But nobody had really ever asked him. _~ Yeah, like two minutes is really a lot of time to make that kind of decision. I am going to see my f-ing father. Nothing is going to f-ing stop me! ~ _

Well, maybe the fact that he was stoned and drunk beyond belief. _~ Knew I shouldna trusted those upperclassmen for a reason. ~ _Craig's motor skills didn't seem to be working as well as they should. He had tripped over a few inanimate objects and even a few people. Hell, even his thoughts were slurred. 

_~ That doesn' mean that I shouldn' seem my dad. Screw whateva' the court has ta' say. This is my life, not some pansy judges'. It's not even Joeys. MY life.~ _It was also why he was going to make this trip, this pilgrimage. Craig was fed up with other people making choices for him. 

Under any other circumstance –such as being sober- Craig wouldn't be making this decision. But rational ideas had flown out the window when he had first set that joint onto his lips. He didn't care what Joey thought anymore. Craig had quietly given up on impressing his foster/step father.

 _~ Cha, and what exactly is Joey anyway?__ ~_

His step-sister Angela's father; Craig's new paternal figure. That was about it. Craig had been living with Joey for about a year now and he still really didn't know much about him. _~ So this guy steps into my life, takes over, and expects me to be happy. Yeah. Right. What world are we living in? It sure isn't happy-happy bunny land. Stuff like that doesn't happen. ~ _Craig quietly laughed at his fortune. 

_~ I WANT to be miserable. SOMETHING, ANYTHING. I WANT to feel emotions again. At least with Dad I knew pain. I FELT things. I understood my place in the god-awful world. ~_ And with that final thought, all bets were off. 

Craig Manning was going home to his father and this time he really meant it.

[Exeunt]

=============

Ta da! I updated! Mediocre at best, but at least it's an update! More to come... eventually!


	6. Love Burns

Out There  
  
Bren Eldrid Bera  
  
=============  
  
I think I love pain. I know I love blood.  
  
I love the pain of knowing that it's my blood pooled around my body, and the fact that it's my blood in my mouth. I can taste it, the blood from when a couple of lucky punches had hit my jaw.   
  
I swish the blood around in my mouth; I can feel it between my teeth. I love it.  
  
We studied blood in biology; red blood cells, and white blood cells. Or rather – Gavin had studied it. Or was it later in his life? Had it been Tiffany who stayed up into the early morning hours trying to figure out the difference between an erythrocyte and a leukocyte? It didn't really matter now. Or did it?  
  
Red blood cells perform the most important blood duty. A single drop of blood contains millions of red blood cells which are constantly traveling through your body delivering oxygen and removing waste. If they weren't, your body would slowly die.  
  
Red blood cells are red only because they contain a protein chemical called hemoglobin which is bright red in color. Hemoglobin contains the element Iron, making it an excellent vehicle for transporting oxygen and carbon dioxide. As blood passes through the lungs, oxygen molecules attach to the hemoglobin. As the blood passes through the body's tissue, the hemoglobin releases the oxygen to the cells. The empty hemoglobin molecules then bond with the tissue's carbon dioxide or other waste gases, transporting it away. Over time, the red blood cells get worn out and eventually die.   
  
That was something to think about. Blood the life giver, dying. But the dead cells are replaced by other cells, living cells. It's almost like our society. Once people get old and frail they are shoved into some retirement home so the stronger, younger folk can get on with their lives until they too are feeble. It's a cycle. It's survival of the fittest. It's life.  
  
But why did I have blood in my mind all of the sudden – and in my mouth? I couldn't quite remember the reason behind my sudden obsession. Ah yes, that entire cycle thing. Maybe the parasite was supposed to take over and Gavin and Tiffany were supposed to die. The cycle. Maybe I was the strongest. Maybe it was destiny. Maybe all of those horrible things that had happened were supposed to happen. There was some sort of sick and twisted script we were all improvising to.  
  
Time to shut up. For now, and this is my plan, I'll spend another day or two here. It's raining again, and I'm still naked, but I don't care.  
  
So I'll get pneumonia, so my open wounds will get infected. Infect this. Who cares? But later, maybe tomorrow, maybe not, I'll leave this place.  
  
I iwould/i get my revenge though.  
  
=============  
  
The hospital's florescent lights glared directly down into Gavin's eyes. He was lying down on one of the hospital beds with his ankle bound up in medical tape and bandages. The doctor, a squat little man with muddy brown hair and breath that smelled like pickles, had said it was only sprained. But to Gavin, it might as well be broken.  
  
He would have to stay off of it for a few weeks, but by the time he would be able to run around, soccer tryouts would be finished. His life was over. This was supposed to be his big year; a new school, a new girlfriend, and the star of the soccer team. But his dreams had been dashed the moment –that guy- had knocked him down to the ground.   
  
And then the older teen had ignored him.  
  
That was probably bothered Gavin the most. The guy could have at least had the decency to help him up, maybe give Gavin a ride to the hospital, but no, nothing of the sorts had happened. Gavin had had to sort of limp/crawl over to the nearest telephone – and with his luck, it was across the house.   
  
Then he had had to call his parents; another pisser. And again, with his luck, someone just happened to yell out a few choice words when he was on the phone with them. The words 'keg', 'beer', 'crack', and 'sex' apparently meant a lot to his parents.   
  
So when they did arrive – his dad in a full blown rant, but worse the quiet broodings of his mother – Gavin was ready to go. The ride to the hospital had been hell. Words like 'we trusted you' and 'never again' broke the silence more often than the clicking of the car's turn signal.   
  
Because, like Gavin, his parents were really depending on a soccer scholarship to get him into a college. They didn't really have enough money to send two kids off to school. If one of them could get in on a scholarship or two, life would be all the better. That summer soccer camp down in the states had cost them dearly. The Mason family had barely had enough money to buy school supplies and new clothes.   
  
His life really was over.  
  
Then why did he have the urge to laugh? Gavin wanted to just throw his head back and laugh until the men in the white coats dragged him away to Stonebrook – the local nuthouse. Hysteria? Maybe. Or was it that his life was just so shitty and he would never catch a break that this was all a joke?  
  
Any moment the doctor would pop out from behind the curtain and tell him that yes, it was a big joke. His ankle wasn't sprained and in fact, he was the millionth patient and had won a billion dollars. And his parents weren't mad at him, and Lacey would like him, and he would be the star of the soccer team. Any minute now...  
  
=============  
  
I updated. Wow. It's rather short, but Bren likes it and she felt guilty. In case you are wondering, yes, Spinny is suffering from schizophrenia. I reread this fic, and I saw I was getting a little Out There [tee hee] and rather preachy. That'll stop with the next chapter, don't worry. And about Craig and Marco's parts... well, I'll get to them. 


End file.
